Feeling Emotional

by Ross A. Aalgaard, MSW, LGSW

612-332-7743 ext. 285
raalgaard@wpc-mpls.org

It astonishes me how common it is for people to make moral judgments about basic human emotions. I'm sure I'm not the only person to hear someone say, "You shouldn't feel that way." I have also heard people say things like: "She should be over her grief by now." "He has cried over that matter long enough." "It isn't very Christian to feel that way." The judgments about the emotions we feel or express do not always come from external forces-like friends, family, songs, or the media-but they often are found within ourselves. Sometimes the values we hold about some basic human emotions limit us from experiencing the well-being we desire.

As a pastoral counselor and psychotherapist, my focus is working with people in addressing their mental, emotional, and spiritual well-being. It is my goal within a counseling session to provide a safe place for people to freely express their feelings. However, it surprises me how often I hear people apologizing for crying during a session or telling me they shouldn't feel the way they feel. There isn't any reason to apologize or to disrespect the feelings one has. As human beings we experience a magnitude of feelings and emotions-that, to me, is what makes our humanity so fascinating. I don't believe any of the numerous feelings we experience are good or bad within themselves, it's what we do with them or how they affect us that determines our well-being and health.

Two emotions I commonly see during counseling are sorrow and anger. Both bring to mind short verses from the Christian writings that are somewhat simplistic, but still profound. The writer of John's Gospel reports, at Lazarus' grave, "Jesus began to weep." (John 11:35) For those who claim Jesus as an example to emulate, his display of emotion ought to cause us to feel comfortable with allowing our tears to flow when we are facing moments of sadness. There is really no need for anyone to apologize when he or she feels like crying. If Jesus could openly show his sorrow, his example frees us to display the same kind of emotion.

In the letter to the saints in Ephesus, the author provides this encouragement, "Be angry but do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger." (Ephesians 4:26) Notice that the verse doesn't say, "Don't be angry," rather it clearly says, "Be angry." However, the anger isn't something that should lead us to an unhealthy existence or cause us to harm others. Also, anger that ruminates rather than being handled and short-lived will lead us into turmoil and maybe even a destructive life. So, rather than stuffing or denying one's anger, express it and address it so good health can be honored. Don't cheat yourself of your emotions, but allow your emotions to make you fully the person you are meant to be.